Thursday, June 16, 2005
A Witness of Mrs. Dadmanly
A Witness of Mrs. Dadmanly
My turn again! Today marks one week that I did not know whether or not my husband was alive or with the Lord. It has been a week of many twists and turns and an extremely heavy, heavy weight that I could physically feel over me and I could not seem to shake it.
God being God "again" showed me His Power, His Strength, His Provision, His Love, His Compassion, His Grace, His Mercy, His knowing exactly what I need when I need it. I have been sharing with many and asking for prayer and praying myself, but last night was the time God chose to allow me to again "let Go.”
For the past year I truly have had very little fear attached to my husband being gone. I would have a moment, maybe an hour or two now and then (one other incident that was a bit longer), but God kept reminding me "I am your Rock, Refuge, Fortress...Trust in Me,” and I truly have believed that no matter what, He IS IN CONTROL.
When I realized last week that my husband might be one of the fallen soldiers, everything spiraled down and changed for me. My strength left, my faith dwindled, and my fear rose above everything I knew and trusted. That is what I have been carrying around for a week. And the fact that I know that my husband did survive, but someone else’s husband did not, they were chosen to die, while mine was spared.
So what happened yesterday was such a blessing from God to me. I came to work and opened my e-mail and there was a notice from our Army Unit, inviting me and others to join them last night at the Armory, to process what we all had gone through this past week, since hearing about our soldiers.
I decided to go hoping that if nothing else, I would hear something from someone that might give me some peace, because nothing I had done all this past week allowed that to happen.
I picked up Little Manly and headed to the unit. When I arrived there were lots of people walking in and lots of cars in the lot. I was very surprised and extremely happy that everyone had made the effort to show up. There were children everywhere and a lot of sad faces on the adults, saying "Hi" very soberly and somber. We went in, and were greeted with hugs from the soldiers that are here that stayed back to work. Seeing the faces of so many of the wives and husbands of soldiers, was just like walking into a family gathering with people you have not seen and cannot wait to connect with.
Little Manly quickly ran off with the other kids to have a scavenger hunt, pizza, soda, water balloons and cake. That was just what he needed and God supplied.
I walked into the main room and there was a circle set up with about 60 chairs, they did not want anyone sitting behind another, face to face, heart to heart.
It was AWESOME. They wanted us to share our names and our soldiers name but did not want to know rank, titles, units, etc. They set it up as if we were all equals and wanted to keep it on that level.
They had a counselor there from Youth for Christ, two counselors from a Veteran’s Center, our Colonel from Rear Detachment, and others that have gone through this before.
Lots of people shared. Everyone that shared I could identify with. We cried, laughed and reminisced about CPT Esposito who died, those that knew and remembered how he had helped and was there for so many.
Just last week his Mom and Dad came to help out packing care packages for the soldiers. People were sharing how we have touched each others lives, and that just like our soldiers, we also would never be the same again.
One very pleasant older lady spoke and said, "We need to keep our focus on the Lord," and, "We need to pray, we need to remember who is in charge." Another lady spoke and said, "We need to exercise," and, "just get up and exercise!" Everyone laughed. She went on and on for about 10 minutes about exercise, lol.
It was very clear that we were all accepted and allowed to feel and be exactly where we were at that moment. Then they talked about the funeral that was taking place that day.
Tears flowed and we all connected as if we all knew that we were spared and blessed, and felt so sad all at the same time.
When the meeting was over the woman that spoke about the Lord came over to me and said, “In your humanness you were fearful, God understands your fear. But it is time to let it go, remember who is taking care of you. He loves you and has not left you.” Then she encouraged me to read Psalm 40, and the one part that stuck with me was, "He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand"!
PRAISE GOD! When I left that meeting last night I felt totally released of the weight, I actually could feel it physically that it was gone, what the enemy meant for evil, the Lord AGAIN prevailed.
I needed to experience this past week, I needed to get to a place that I could draw near to the Lord again. He had not moved, He had not left me, He had not instilled the paralyzing fear. He was holding me up all week and last night I was able to Thank Him.
On the way home in the car my son said, "Mom, please
tell me everything you know about CPT Esposito’s death."
I said, "All I know is that his life was taken and we need to pray." Little Manly then told Me not to be sad, because if CPT Esposito believed, he is with Jesus now and he is in a much better place, and is probably very happy.
Then he said, "Mom, tell me all you know about heaven."
I told him, "It is a glorious place, where the roads are gold and there are fruit trees all over the place. We live in these mansions, and we never will cry or have pain again…”
He stopped me. “That’s good, Mom, that’s all I need to know.”
I'm reminded again, how faithful our God is. How His timing is perfect. How he knows what we need and He supplies it and He Never Never Leaves us. I'm so grateful today I cannot even begin to put it into words.
It is WELL with my SOUL!
A Dadmanly Postscript:
She says she can’t begin to put it into words. I’d beg to differ, but I’ll let you be the judge.
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